Friendship

I will not make myself look like i am begging for the friendship. I just have to do this because as much as i put in effort in the friendship, i guess it died long ago. we used to share woes and stuff but not anymore. i tried to close the gap between us but you make it harder. i stop trying because i am tired of being angry and disappointed. Thank you for the friendship but i guess it better this way. not to make myself begging for the friendship and hoping it will be like last time. it won't and i wish you all the best. thank you. :')

Beauty

just finish removing my make up. before removing my make up, i was kind of awe how much the make up actually covers up my pimples, blackhead, pores etc and makes me a bit confident..i mumbled, "that's why some girls love make up so much." it's a tool that can make you pretty and beautify yourself. but at the end of the day, we do need to remove out make up and face the reality...i know some really have perfect skins and such..during hari raya, my self esteem plunges down when i see my cousins were so pretty and elegant and there's me..so big and unattractive...don't talk about losing weight..not again...lose weight to look pretty and such but what if i am happy with who i am no matter what body size i'm in...do we really need to be thin to be pretty? that's the question i always i have..."lose weight so that you look pretty." i was seriously awe at some of my cousins' beauty and i was jealous but should i be jealous? i have cousins who are younger than me who are getting married and in a relationship now...so is it because i am fat and doesn't wear make up every single day, that's why i am losing out to them..i guess so if you ask the public...i am always taking it slow and let time tells the whole story..beauty comes first before character i perhaps... people will be like "you are just jealous that's why you are stating that." yes people, i am jealous but it was just for that moment i am jealous but life moves on...

Emptiness...

i am feeling unwanted right now.people are busy with life so am i. i guess i made people angry at my workplace for my constant UL. well i guess i am just lazy and nothing to look forward. gosh why am i thinking that way? yes i am lazy...maybe it is just me. plain lazy but yet again if i am at home i never do anything. gosh salina..you are confusing... like i told teacher salha just now i can no longer run away from work to go to school and no other reason that i can go half day...like teacher marina said " you are no longer schooling that people need to give in to you." i admit i am at wrong and people are mad at me... i am naughty...i am telling myself that this month of august i shall be a good girl and no more on UL and what not...dear me, please co-operate...at work i don't really talk to anyone..though i am close to teacher marina but at times, i feel that i am a bad teacher looking at how she is preparing all her stuff...all those 15 mths of training you are going to let it go salina... i have to stop blaming others and point to my own mistakes... i guess i shall leave the group chat that i am in and not communicate with other teachers for awhile..i don't belong to any group of teachers..neither the english teacher nor the other clique...i am alone i guess...blame myself for this..so i exited already...people won't realize...hehe..did that once...i guess this is the emptiness you felt when you are not trying to get closer to your Creator... after Ramadhan left, i guess i stop all the deeds..it can't stop as it is part of Muslim's way of life. we do not aim for this world but for hereafter..i have to start it back and remind myself that today maybe the last day you live and do you have enough deeds and deens to face the angel of death and answer their questions...

KPOP rant..

B2st made a comeback with Good Luck. They won 6 awards so far and i hope they win more because they worked hard not saying that other artists did not worked hard. some artists won due to their company fame.i watched MNetCountdown. B2ST was up against Taeyang and guess who won...Taeyang..expected but i came across a post at tumblr and saw a fan of taeyang i presume said that see you won without the fandom voting crazily and that's talent.. i was fuming mad because doesn't mean your oppa won he had more talent than other artist..as much as B2UTY are tactful towards others fandom but this is just plain irritating. B2ST worked hard to be at the top and so does other artistes. winning an award doesn't give you the right to talked down about other artistes' talent...i can go on and on to talk about how B2ST worked their asses off but that won't be fair for other artistes even your oppa.. as much as i respect your oppas, coz of fandom i can lose respect..let's take it as friendly competition... don't forget B2ST got full mark for 2 days straight last week.see i am already bragging about them.evil me.. let's not starts a fanwar..it is not needed anyways. I read a few websites and forum that B2ST No More are nicer..hopefully B2ST continue to be the best while being humble. read at tumblr that DooJoon scolded Yoseob for boasting about getting full mark..how cute can that be..and how humble can that be... just because an artist doesn't debut under the Big 3 company, they can't excel better than those in the big 3. i am agitated that fans that brings down other artistes still exist..ergh! i need to meet up with my KPop buddy, Luqman to rant all about this..hahaha! :P B2ST HWAITING!!! B2UTY HWAITING!!!

Fight hate with love...

came across a local youtuber vlogging about boobs. i smiled listening and watching to what she had to say. i mean it is her right as a human to be respected . she gets negative comments after posting a pictures that showed her sides of her boobs.. yes in western culture, they accepted it. but we are living in the asia continet of the world. we are conservative people by nature (some of us still very conservative).. too change people mindset takes years and years..so why hate on people who hate you? yes i may not know how it felt being called sluts and etc but if you fight hate with hate, you won't get love in the end. some people will embrace the change you want to bring but some will not..so fight hate with love and the situation will get neutral..just keep it calm about people hating on you because you can't satisfy everybody...when we layan haters, they know that they can get attention this way and continue...fight darkness with light...i am not a saint either i have my devils in me...being called fat and such, at times i just wished i can slapped them hard or sit on them but what's the point..i do want to do that to people who mocked me but what i get, i still can't closed their mouth( unless i stitch their mouth up).i get nothing..i just let it go because i know one day they will get their own medicine in a way or another..fight hate with love..

Back after 4 years

Messing around at 5.26am and here i am where i used to rant...saw few of my poly mates still blogs...haha! wow! been 4 years since i last blog..many things have changed. graduated from polytechnics and working in an industry that i didn't think i would end up... earl.y childhood sector..teaching..wow! i guess nurse didn't work out for me, IT is not me, teaching was my first ambition back in primary school days..and here i am.. i love children and being around them is a joy... work sends me to SEEDS to get a diploma in early childhood. double diploma for me! i learnt a lot...now i see children differently.. things we perceive changed when circumstances happen... reading through some of my blog post make me have goosebumps and i feel like a weirdo..haha! i am so kental! hahaha! planning to call in sick as i been gone to the toilet for like 4 times...other than tumblr i guess i can rant here! haha! hopefully i can comeback here soon! Sincerely,Salina